Have you ever found yourself in a situation that at first, seemed like a really good idea?

Then, at some point into this new activity/venture or relationship, you realize this might not be such a great idea after all? So you start looking for an escape route. You want to throw half a trench coat over your face Inspector Clouseau style, slink away backwards with your eyes darting from side to side to make sure no one sees you?

Well, welcome to my world my damie.

Here’s my story.

As you may or may not know, November is the month in which the annual event known as NaNoWriMo takes place. What the heck is NaNoWriMo?

Well shucks, I’m glad you asked.

NaNoWriMo is an acronym for National Novel Writing Month, otherwise known as a frenzied time of glazed eyes, donuts and steaming computer chairs from every participating writer’s butt being glued to it for thirty days in a row. The object of NaNoWriMo, as implied by the supercalafragalistic title, is to write a novel in 30 days.

All manner of drinking (coffee and alcohol), shouting (to the Lord, at spouses and at children), cussing (your computer and yourself for getting wrapped up in this) and other such debaucheries are known to occur during this month, but in the end a fun time is had by all.

Now that the end of NaNoWriMo has reared it’s…um…pretty head, much to the relief (or chagrin) of participating writers around the world, it’s time to separate the wheat from the chaff and announce the winners of this year’s contest.

And I’m afraid to say that I am on the side of the chaff. Wait – is it chaff? Or chaffe? Whatever it is, I’m definitely not wheaty, which is what the winning writers were. Um…alliteration, damn! Where were you last week! I wish my mind was this open when I was trying to write my novel…but I digress.

So yeah, I didn’t make it to the NaNoWriMo finish line on November 30th. I stopped working on my novel after hammering out the first chapter, when a thought suddenly dropped on me like an atomic bomb.

Out of nowhere, I had the epiphany that no matter how much I wanted to do something, and it seems like I’m always wanting to do one thing or another, just wanting to do something is not enough. It will never be enough.

Then the bomb exploded. And I knew at once why I did not complete my novel.

It had nothing to do with my other writing assignments. It had nothing to do with the time I spend away from writing taking care of things around the home. It had nothing to do with NaNoWriMo’s time restriction either, because 30 days is more than enough time to crank out a novel. My one and only problem when it comes to writing is:

I don’t complete enough of the things I start. And I know that if I want to be a successful writer in 2010 that shit has to change.

Someone wise once said everything happens for a reason. Often, we as humans spend energy bucking against what happens in our lives instead of riding that bronco into the future. I am so glad I participated in NaNoWriMo, because if I had not failed at NaNoWriMo I would not have seen the blessing wrapped in a package of defeat.

The blessing is knowing that I have to change things in my life if I want to be successful. It’s not going to be easy, and I’m unsure of what my exact path to success as a writer will be.

I do know I need to write more though, because as someone wise once tweeted, “Writers write.”

Amen. I need to get into the habit of writing, just like I got out of a very bad habit five years ago – smoking.

When I was trying to quit smoking, I did some study into the psychology of addiction and learned that the human mind can create or break a habit out of any act done or not done twenty-one or more days in a row. Steve Pavlina knows this too.

I had forgotten that psychology lesson when I was looking for some info relating to marketing and business plans today, and came upon his blog. I read through several of his posts, as I tend to do when I find a blog with great writing on it, when one of his posts struck me like a lightening bolt. It just seemed like I was meant to read it today.

I think it’s just what I needed to read today and I want to thank Steve for that, which I would but he’s turned off comments on his blog. So…thanks, Steve.

Steve’s post is a great companion to what I have been thinking about lately because of NaNoWriMo – about writing more and finishing the writing that I start. If you are like me and trying to improve your life in any way, Steve’s post might really help you too.

So here it is.

And because of you Steve Pavlina, I am challenging myself to 30 straight days of blogging.

If I blog for every one of those thirty days, I’ll be so proud of myself. And better still, I’ll be a better writer, because by the end of these 30 days writing every day should become a habit.

I am starting to believe that this capability of the human mind in developing and breaking old habits may in fact, be one of the ever so sneaky reasons NaNoWriMo exists in the first place. Cause you know, nothing’s sneakier than a bunch of writers with time on their hands. What if NaNoWriMo is an insidious plot to suck the prison industrial complex and war machines of the world dry? If everyone’s writing out their feelings every day, who feels aggression anymore? Yeah NaNoWriMo. I’m on to you. Wink, wink. It’ll be our secret.

On a serious note, I am quite serious about undertaking this 30 day challenge, even if my blog everyday is “I’m so bored. I can’t think of anything good to say. The end.”

I need to be washed in a river of words before I can call my self a writer again. I am shamed because I have failed. I failed at winning NaNoWriMo and getting a grand prize of…the blank space after this period.

Yep. Winning NaNoWriMo gets you one big nada. Self satisfaction is the name of this game. These upcoming posts are my redemption. The penances and Hail Mary’s I must do for getting totally owned by NaNoWriMo.

Because in my mind, you never fall as hard as when you fail yourself. But in this case I’m glad I failed cause otherwise I wouldn’t have this urge to commit myself to writing utter randomness for the next 30 days. Hooray for losing!

In the meantime, I would like to extend a huge congratulations, and a big big hug to everyone who toughed it out and finished NaNoWriMo. I commend you. I respect you. You people have balls. Kudos!

On a side note…have you ever wondered why we say someone has balls? I need to stop saying that. Balls aren’t like…ovaries or something. They’re not all that.

And again, I digress. I’m heading over to the NanoWrimo site now to see when they’ll be announcing winners. See you tomorrow.