According to recent data, about 1 in 33 men in the U.S. (approximately 2.78 million) have experienced an attempted or completed rape, and up to 1 out of 6 boys will experience some form of sexual violence before 18.

In the wake of the Penn State child rape scandal, more people are interested in the subject of male sexual assault, even though a strange shroud of silence still surrounds the crime which only serves to deepen the chasm between survival and seeking the help so many men desperately need.

Though all victims experience similar traumas in the aftermath of sexual abuse, there are ways the crime affects boys and men differently from females which are important to understand.

Male rape survivor. Photo from the Guardian.co.uk

1. Male victims of sexual assault often have difficulty dealing with a feeling of lost power or “manhood.”

Boys are indoctrinated to believe they should fight to the death over any perceived slight, so in this environment some unfortunately feel that a “real” man or “tough” boy can’t be raped because they should be able to defend themselves. These beliefs about “masculinity” are deeply ingrained in society and lead to intense feelings of guilt, shame and inadequacy for male survivors, who often view their assault as a loss of “manhood” and feel anger with themselves for not “fighting back.”

Sometimes, male survivors will attempt to “prove” their masculinity by having multiple female sexual partners, becoming a sexual predator themselves, and/or engaging in dangerous or violent behaviors, including the use of prostitutes and unprotected anal intercourse.

Survivors should be reminded that they did what seemed best at the time to survive, and there’s nothing un-masculine about that.

2. Male victims of sexual assault often don’t report it for fear of being perceived as gay.

American culture, which celebrates cowboys, bad boys, and the idea that we should all lighten up over issues like sexual abuse because “Hey…boys will be boys!”, has allowed a subculture to emerge in its midst where the slightest shows of what is perceived as “effeminate” behavior can make a young man’s school days a living hell.

And if a male was raped by a woman, he might also fear being perceived as gay if he reports it, because society tells males they are “lucky” to get sexual attention from women and that he should have “enjoyed it.”

If that male is struggling with sexual identity issues and the trauma of being a sexual assault survivor, what results from that male not getting the help and attention he needs could be catastrophic for everyone around him.

The anger and frustration from being a silent victim of this crime sometimes leads males to extreme displays of homophobia in order to prove they are not gay–even if they are. How confusing is that?! Now imagine how confusing and tormenting this crime must be for male victims of sexual assault!

This is why victims of male sexual assault should be taken seriously when they reach out for help, and immediately be counseled that they were victims of a crime and they did nothing wrong, and the crime does not make them gay, bisexual or heterosexual.

3. Male victims of sexual assault are more likely to blame themselves if they had physical reactions (erection, ejaculation, etc.) during the crime.

These same reactions, normal parts of life for most men, can become triggers for memories associated with the crime for sexual assault survivors, sometimes making ensuing intimate relationships difficult. These reactions are not the fault of the victim, and should never be blamed on or used to shame the victim.

According to the National Center for Victims of Crime, these reactions are “normal, involuntary physiological reactions. It does not mean that the victim wanted to be raped or sexually assaulted, or that the survivor enjoyed the traumatic experience. Sexual arousal does not necessarily mean there was consent.”

If you are a survivor of male sexual assault–first, I’d like to thank you for reading this blog entry. I know as a survivor myself that sometimes material like this can be difficult to read.

Second, if you need resources for dealing with your trauma, or would like to suggest good reading material for others so they can be more educated about this issue, an excellent place to start is the book list at the bottom of Dr. Jim Hopper’s male sexual abuse page. Dr. Hopper also includes sources for friends, lovers, spouses, parents and caregivers of males who have been sexually abused.

Third, I urge you to seek therapy immediately, if it is available to you.

Do you have any wisdom to share on this issue? Let me know in the comments–I’d love to hear from you!